i figured once i turned in my uc apps i would feel relieved. i dont. it seems like even though it was my main focus and stressor, with it out of the way, the rest of life comes crashing down and makes it all complicated again. i finished apps to come back to parental problems, homework, tears, and just feeling stressed. isnt this feeling supposed to be gone already? i already felt like crap for a month, cant i feel good even for a little? i guess ive been so focused on college apps, nothing else really mattered. maybe i should find a new thing to focus on. just to keep myself sane. this is ridiculous. whoever told me it would get easier once i turned it in.. lied.

maybe its another thing, realization kicking in? im officially an applicant for the ucs. but i dont see how on earth my parents are going to learn to let go. i mean, they have to be control, like always. they chose which colleges i was going to apply to and which ones im going to upon acceptance. i had to fight them so i can apply to two guaranteed ones instead of one. i wanted a piece of mind and my father made it as me having absolutely no self confidence in myself. im applying to 5 ucs and possibly a private. i need a piece of mind that they arent all going to be rejection letters. i need something to distract me. i really do.